THE TOP FIVE

My name is Wyatt ... obviously. In kindergarten, most of the kids I knew couldn’t pronounce my name, and because they had such a hard time saying it, many kids ended up teasing me. I hated my name and told myself when I grew older I would change it.
Over the years I’ve discovered that I really like my name. Throughout high school, when a teacher called on me, I knew who he/she was talking about. The three Erics and four Mikes always had a hard time knowing which of them were supposed to answer the question. I also got a lot of attention because my name is unique. Honestly, how many Wyatts do you know?
I have developed a respect for unique names since my childhood. On the flip-side, there is a point where parents go to far. Here are just a few examples of that:
5. Pilot Inspektor. Instead of naming his child, Jason Lee gave him a job title, never mind the fact that he misspelled “inspector.” Yes, I know some people think it is cool to use alternative spellings of words these days. Unfortunately, it just makes Mr. Lee look ignorant. Confusion and bullying will probably occur on the playground, unless Mr. Lee teaches his kid the martial arts he is so well known for.
4. Apple. Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow decided to stick it to their daughter. Being famous is hard enough without having a weird name. Their daughter could have chosen her own life, except her parents decided to make her famous by giving her the name Apple. She will now live in her parents’ shadow despite what she chooses to do.
3. Kal-El. Nicolas Cage decided to name his kid Superman — literally. Kal-El is Superman’s Kryptonian name. Will Kal-El feel arrogant and superior to others because of his name? Will he feel the brunt of his father’s regret, because his father never had the opportunity to play Superman — a role he coveted?
2. James Shorts. The common nickname for James is Jim. Would you like to be known as Jim Shorts? People will equate you with sweat and body odor. Every time people mention your name they will laugh and think of locker rooms and all the crazy disgusting things that happen there. I laughed and had disgusting thoughts when I heard the name. Do you really want to do that to your kid?
1. Dweezil. I’m not sure what a dweezil is, but it sounds enough like dweeb, dork, geek and a host of slimy maggot-like creatures. I am sure Mr. Zappa is none of these things, but these are some images his name conveys.
I am amazed that people are able to overcome the trials that may be associated to the names given to them. Here is a list of some other names you shouldn’t give to your kid: Audio Science, Moxie CrimeFighter, Jermajesty, Kyd, Reignbeau, Gaye, Oriana, Maher-shalal-hash-baz, Star, Bambi, Barbie, BJ, Holly Christmas, Sandy Beach, Ben Dover and many others. If you would like your children to grow up with dignity, and not get beat up on the playground please give them a regular name. Abnormal names will also affect careers and one’s feelings of trust. Psychologically, people with normal names have more stable lives. Remember that no matter how cool you think it is to give your kids certain names, it’s better to just give them a regular name — not Richard Rash.