Top eight don’ts for summer swimming

You and I both know that one of the greatest things about summer time is the ability to swim in one of Utah’s many different watering holes. I, myself, love every moment of the summer swim season, but it is also a time of horror for many in our community. Tragedies ranging from water-related deaths to haunting “speedo banditos” plague many of the public areas. In order to help others avoid any issues this summer, here are eight don’ts that will help you make summer swimming a splash.

8.  Drugs are bad? Right?

Pot and water don’t mix, and stay away from the heavier stuff as well. Weed will slow you down and if you aren’t a good swimmer to begin with, life will be very hard.

Crack and cocaine will lead you to do crazy things, and adding deep water will lead to what we call a no-win scenario. We are all adults here and we all know how drugs can mess us up, when you add swimming into the mix, we can have a no-win scenario. So stay away from drugs, m’kay?

7. Beer and water in moderation.

In my discussions with a few of our students, they mentioned the fun they have when beer and water mix. I say go for it, but exercise a little caution in the amount of liquor you consume. Like the drugs mentioned above, too much “fun” will equal a no-win scenario.

I love drunk people, and I love watching them swim, but getting too drunk is no bueno. Get buzzed while swimming if you want, just not blackout drunk. (Take note, neither I nor The Signpost condone the excessive consumption of alcohol, for alcoholism is a serious problem.)

6. Weed whacking is a must!

People, it’s summertime, and your body is going to come out of hibernation. That means it’s time to get it all waxed and/or trimmed up. Many of the local salons and spas have great specials going on. And this one isn’t just for the ladies, manscaping is a must!

I’m not saying have a ban on the hairy creatures, it’s just gross to have an image of it burned in my memory. Hair is a natural part of the human experience, but we don’t want to experience your inner yeti. For the sake of the children, keep your forests under control.

5. Dress for success

LMFAO may think it’s OK to rock a speedo at the beach, but no. Just no. If you have the body of Ryan Gosling, maybe, just maybe you should wear one, but from what I have seen on campus, the answer is no.

Women, you have a bigger problem. More than one actually. Make sure nothing can “accidentally” fall out. Swimwear needs to cover enough, yet leave a little to the imagination. Because sometimes it’s more fun to dream than to get an accidental peep show.

4. Watch what you say

Don’t let your battleship mouth write any checks your tugboat butt can’t cash. This goes along with the inebriation policy from earlier. It is a scientific fact that sound carries over water very quickly and very clearly, so don’t say anything that will end with you on the front page of any newspaper.

If you aren’t careful, you might be staring down the barrel of a gun or worse, being attacked by a heavily inebriated human being.

3. Know your limits

If you swim too far or too deep, you’re going to have a bad time. Don’t go overboard (both literally and figuratively) as to how well you can swim. If you swim all the time, then you will not have many problems. If you only dog paddle, then don’t go too far. It will most likely not end well.

If you have experience using personal water craft, this next part isn’t for you. Ski boats and other vessels have a lot more power than you imagine. If you know how to drive it then you know what I mean. Get used to your toy before you go wild.  That way when you have fun, you can really tear it up on the water. Don’t let your ego sink your ship.

Many of the local organizations offer swimming and boating classes. If you are really smart, you will take advantage of all the wonderful opportunities provided by the Weber State University Outdoor Recreation program. See their website for more details.

2. Getting some sun.

Being a fair-skinned person myself, this is a very sound piece of advice on the sun. It is a well know fact that too much sun will give you a bad burn, or worse cancer. So if you want to avoid looking like a lobster or Snooki, then the amount of sun you get is crucial. Better yet, invest in a good lotion. I hear they have coconut-scented ones at the mall.

1.  Be smart

Plain and simple, don’t be stupid. You can have a lot of fun this summer in the sun and on the water, but it’s not a time to go hog wild. Be smart, use common sense and have fun.

This is summer break for most of us, and you need the relaxation. Make the most of it with as much of your common sense as possible. You are young, and there’s not much else to say except don’t do anything stupid! What you do now will echo in eternity, so play it smart.

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Posted by on July 1, 2014. Filed under Culture/Diversity, Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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