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Has this ever happened to you?
You’re a girl (which I know rules out about half of you), and you’re on a date, and the guy pulls into your driveway driving a souped-up, white, lifted Ford truck. He jumps the eight feet to the pavement, kicks the dirt off his dressy Pumas and checks his hair spikes in the rear-view mirror.
The sleeves on his polo can’t make it over his biceps, but that may have more to do with the size of the shirt than the size of the muscles. Your father, sitting in his armchair, shakes his head when your date says that you “look hot in skinny jeans.”
After clambering up into the cab, you speed into the sunset (to the warm tunes of Blink 182) and make it just in time for the beginning of “Death Race 4: The Deathening,” which critics called “a greasy, script-less romp through blood-soaked streets.” After that? The batting cages (fast-pitch only), and then maybe some casual making out.
If your date went anything like this, then you, my friend, are dating a Sweet Bro.
What is a Sweet Bro, you ask?
Well, I checked the online Urban Dictionary, but their definition was more, well, for fans of casual profanity (really, I wouldn’t look it up if I were you). For those of you who are not fans of informal vulgarity (stay off the Internet!), a Sweet Bro derives his name from his favorite phrase: “Sweet, Bro!”
I’m sure you can picture one in your head right now. Sweet Bros make the rest of us guys look bad, not to mention ruining the reputation of college fraternities everywhere.
What? Are you still not sure whether or not that special someone in your life is a Sweet Bro? Well, there are subtle differences between Sweet Bros and regular, eh . . . my editors won’t print that. Let’s just say “jerks.” And they are also different from the stereotypical jocks (who are nicer), preppies (who are better-dressed) and gym rats (who are more motivated).
Check the following list, and if your point total exceeds 150, then you are officially dating a Sweet Bro.